The one disadvantage the expatriate children a.k.a. the N.R.I. children [favorite tagline of the desi cousins] face, is the abject lack of family. The only family exposure we had was Mom, Dad and brothers. We never knew the fact that we had other people, uncles, aunts, cousins..or the fact that they lived, unless and until, we made those celebrated 2 week trips to India. I highly detested those trips on the account of 2 things : Being tagged as the foriegn touch-me-not, and the heinous act of not being Mallu enough. Thus, my trials of leading an amphibious Indian life was ended prematurely. The lack of an existent family life led to jealousy,envy,insecurity and bitterness, which racked in a period of 19 years
Every family has a story that it tells itself, that it passes on to the children and grandchildren. The story grows over the years, mutates, some parts are sharpened, others dropped, and there is often debate about what really happened. But even with these different sides of the same story, there is still agreement that this is the family story. And in the absence of other narratives, it becomes the flagpole that the family hangs its identity from.
My first brush with sane family life, and what it is to be truly happy in the midst of people came through the most unexpected of trips to a relatively unknown land. Visiting my girlfriend's house was probably the best thing that could ever happen to me, to resolve my bitterness and to absolve me from the needs of being accepted.It is ironic to believe that I had found family in a strange place. The "City of Dreams" gifted me with the happiest of days I had ever shared in my life. The little things meant a lot. I was made to feel so comfortable, so accepted like I had never been felt in my entire life. I made friends, uncles, aunts, sisters, brothers and above all, a full set of well knit friends. I stand today in awe of how much i had gained in that short visit, and what I had learnt through that experience..enormous!
From watching them, I had come to the realisation that the family is both the fundamental unit of society as well as the root of culture. It is a perpetual source of encouragement, advocacy, assurance, and emotional refueling that empowers a child to venture with confidence into the greater world and to become all that he or she can be.As a potter molds clay to form a beautiful creation, so does the strong bond of family and good values. Family bonds are a link to our beginning and a guide to our future. Early influences are fundamental to our individual development.
We all want to "belong" and feel accepted. A sense of belonging is derived from the strong bond of family. Family is where our roots take hold and from there we grow. We are molded within a unit, which prepares us for what we will experience in the world and how we react to those experiences. A close family bond is like a safe harbor where we find refuge. From trusting that someone will pick us up when we fall, as a toddler, to someone being there for us as we experience the storms in life - family bonds help to instill trust and hope in the world around us and belief in ourselves.
As Richard Bach states in his book, The Illusions, "The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof." I realise that today, when I see my family on one side, I cant help but look out over for my other family..the ones that showed me so much love and care, despite me not being one of them [yet]. I just want to take this opportunity to thank Shruti for giving me everything..and for completing me. Also, to Aunty Althea [Mom] and Aunty Genny, who shower me with so much love and support, I got no words to express how I feel, but I guess, you already know.
During Grandpa's death, I was strangely surprised by the outpouring of acceptance I had received. Sticking around for Grandpa threw a new light on me, and this made my family see me in a different way. This is why i love my Grandpa so much. He just showered me with all his blessings and gave me exactly what I had craved for all these years. Family traditions, thus counter alienation and confusion. They help us define who we are; they provide something steady, reliable and safe in a confusing world.There is always an interconnectedness among members that bonds the family, much like mountain climbers who rope themselves together when climbing a mountain, so that if someone should slip or need support, he's held up by the others until he regains his footing.
Strong family values help us to thrive in all aspects of life. Lack of these can lead to forever seeking that something which is missing.Family values are a little like family vacations -— subject to changeable weather and remembered more fondly with the passage of time. Though it may have rained all week at the beach, it’s often the momentary rainbows that we remember.Family life is not a computer program that runs on its own; it needs continual input from everyone.
In short, today I thank the Lord for my blessings. To both my families..Mom,Dad,my brothers,cousins,aunts and uncles..including my very cool Aunt Jaya and my new little princess, Durga, and Aunt Althea [Mama], Aunt Genny, Kedar, Aunt Jayashree and Krishna Uncle..thank you for everything, I have no words to thank you for your kindness and heart.
In truth a family is what you make it. It is made strong, not by number of heads counted at the dinner table, but by the rituals you help family members create, by the memories you share, by the commitment of time, caring, and love you show to one another, and by the hopes for the future you have as individuals and as a unit.Don't take the value of family bonds for granted. You can mold family into a beautiful creation for today and the generations that follow!
PS- Shruti, thanks for the EffoRts! :P
