It's been nearly a year since my last birthday. I've seen some wretched things, and I've met some amazing people. However, allow me to reflect on the past year.

It's hard to describe what I'm feeling right now. I think its the need and desire to go out and learn...not just through schooling, but travel,life and other things that a book cant give. I wanna see what lies beyond medical textbooks on which im currently judged on, and every other person seems to be constricted to just that.

I've noticed, that I have spent more money, on worldly possessions : A new laptop, a new PDA and stuff that dont really matter...[things that really mean nothing more than a couple off ooh and aah s from friends and jealous looks from the rest], than on things that mean something to me. Sure I have a part time job, and I have money in my pocket,more than my fellow mates at college, who still depend on their parents money,

But what do I REALLY have ?????

Considering the past year I've had, from being sued, to things that I honestly wouldn't wish on my worst enemy...shouldn't I be more focused on being an intellectual that beats the odds...other than a wealthy person that beats the odds by just waking up everyday?

Does that make sense? Probably not.

I miss my "old"life, I miss the gossip. Or the whispers. I don't miss being drunk, I honestly don't. I look back on it, and I honestly wonder what the appeal to it all was.

Perhaps, it was that I still thought that I was invincible...despite the accident, moving to a place that proved other wise.

Perhaps....I just thought I was untouchable. But you lose things, when you're poisoned from the inside out. Sometimes, you lose your cell phone, and your keys...because you placed them down somewhere, and in your crazy drunken ness....they wound up in a sandbox. Mostly however, you lose yourself. I did. It wasn't just the substance that had me lost. It was just my circumstances. Which leads to filling up some void with substances...not realising that the void itself cannot be filled by anything materalized.

So I eventually came to the realization that, Basically...I'm bored! With life! I needed to get my hands into something new.FAST.....

So eventually...I was baptised. What an amazing experience, no roller coaster, beer, height, or pure belly laugh! Can compete. The void has finally been filled. However, there is still an adventurous side to me...that needs to get out and see something.

I need to learn new things. I need something new in my life.

I need to set a small goal for myself...for something...not sure what.