''  Bury all your secrets in my skin,
I ve come away with innocence and am left drowning in my sins,
The air around me traps me up like a cage,
And love is just a camouflage to what resembles my rage '' 

Like a coin, everybody has two faces. A head that we show to the world and a tail, with our desires, ambitions and our darkest needs. Every time we choose a path, we flip a coin invisibly, the outcome is a result of that particular choice. 95% times, the coin ends up flat, revealing a head or a tail. Thats the case for most people. But what about the brands like me? The characters where the coin just keeps spinning, lands on its edge, and decides to stay upright. No head, no tail, just an edge. What do you do then?

Conflicted, two states of mind, in a state of paranoid schizophrenia, Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde syndrome, TwoFace dilemma are adjectives that could describe my present state of mind. My brain is in a constant state of tension, thanks to a series of unfortunate events. Its like your mind s tied to two ends of a dogsled and its ripping you up slowly, while you lie in a frozen wasteland, dying of the insane cold. Its a state of repeat play as well. You find yourself lodged in between the mathematical 4 dimensional cartesian co-ordinates as a location, only to end up right back at (0,0,0,0). Dont understand? Neither do I. Because today, nothing makes sense. Nothing feels right and nothing seems possible.

Its like there is an insane load on my head, the innate need to prove things to adversaries, but then, the path is not illuminated. The path seems hidden, and I do step on the obstacles and traps time after time. Call it bull headedness or immaturity, someway, somehow, shit keeps happening at regular intervals! And I always keep wondering about the reasons why..answers..zilch!

There is currently an aura of resignation, of helplessness, of a devil may care attitude in me. There is a subdued streak, of keeping low. Of crouching and waiting for the moment to pass by. And still, I do wait for it to go by.

Troubles are an integral part of life. What doesnt kill you, makes you stronger. Maybe cuckoo too. I ve never been the person to follow things with my head, I rely on impulse and my heart..and that, probably, would give rationality to the flux in my life. I wish for a state of latency, of constancy, of zen. I wish I didnt have to care or think or worry about anything anymore. I wish that people understand that my stand of staying with a mask like face and sordid detachment, is not my weakness. Maybe that would be the reason for my flux based nature.

Countering this, would be a simple logic. If I changed this about me, then I wouldnt be myself. I would become someone else, and lose my individuality. To care without results is engraved in my DNA. So whatever the result, good, bad or ugly, I will end up doing the same. Call me a digger for fool's gold or a moron, I ll take that. For, at the end of it all, its better to live with your mistakes, rather than, make it on someone else's order, and clean up for them.

Duality at play...do u see it...maybe u dont...confused? Welcome to my imaginarium.