I havent written like this in so long. I havent written how I’ve been feeling, because it’s been a giant mess of feelings...quite unorganised, but still there. But that’s ok!

Since we’re born we’re evolving. Into people, into adults, we have these dead ends where our actions are....less than mature, and the things we can say are even worse. It’s part of growing up. I’m almost scared to grow up...but at the same time to prove that I’m Paul Walker herself, I’ll take the challenge.

I've been living my life trying to live upto expectations. trying to prove my worth and to people who say..u r better than this...having moved all my life I know how difficult it is to adjust, but wou pull up your socks and push yourself to the limit to prove people right..It s sposed to be all about them..rarely abt me..

I now live in a quiet town, around a few amazing people, I don’t want to call this town HOME forever but ita quite all right in ways. It’s different...and something I’m not used to. Sure it can get kind of boring, but I’ll live. I’m genuinely happy, with my circle of friends, mostly because I was thrown into a new situation to make all new ones.This place has made me grow some balls, taught me to stand up, stare failure in the eye, and taste adulation,success,love,betrayal,bitching..all rolled into a giant I max Bollywood movie...

I honestly hate bringing up the past 2 years but at the same time I realise it was a turning point in my life, and I’m proud I survived it. Literally.

People are tricky bastards, because at the signs of trouble, we make an effort to run from it at all costs. Including doing the unmentionable to ourselves. I’ve hit all time lows, and I’ve survived them.

So what makes me think, losing a stupid ass year,working "security" in welfare is going to keep me down? Perhaps it’s the fact people are constantly thrown the wrong impression of me.

Luckily it’s the right people who know me for who I am.
I miss the money and the independence i had. But I don’t miss a job, where I did nothing. I need a change in pace, and I need it now.

Change, it’s happening 24/7 It surrounds us, it challenges us.
Who I am. Is becomming who I want to be.

And I love that.

I have friends, who are honest to God GOOD, I don’t have to work to impress them or keep them happy, I can walk up to them, being myself. No matter how annoying, fat, ugly, stupid, I am that day lol.

I am me. I fear Change for the simple fact, that I know I can never get comfortable and settle.

I dream of being a writer, but realistically, know I can improve...a lot...so I’m changing into someone who LIVES this particular artform.

I dream of no longer setteling for girls who really don’t care. So I’m changing into someone who is letting good things FIND ME.

I dream of bringing pride to my parents. So I’m doing it the best way I can. I’m doing what I LOVE to do. For Me. And that’s all they wanted in the first place.

Change, is a road, that goes off into many different directions, and if you surround yourself with the right people, you all will surely go in your own directions...but you’ll find each other once again when the time is right.